I rode to the “Breakfast on the Bridge” this morning, but unfortunately they were out of coffee. Also, it was not actually on the bridge, just as “Books by the Banks” hasn’t been by the river–yet. The reason it wasn’t on the bridge, I’m told, is because that would cost money. And these bike things, being organized by a bunch of grass-rootsy people, obviously they know it isn’t about the cost, it’s about the camaraderie–facilitated, of course by free coffee, bananas, muffins, and donuts. For some reason there was one last donut that no one would eat–possible an example of some sort of psychological “last donut phenomenon”… half the people don’t want to be seen as the kind of person who takes the last donut, and the other half assume that the donut is some sort of donut pariah–an untouchable among the breakfast food castes. I can only assume that there must be some National Bike to Work Week message to be found here, a parable of sorts, as donuts, like bike wheels, are round and sweet. Perhaps something along the lines of “He’s a donut, She’s a donut, Wouldn’t you like to be a Donut Too?”, i.e. there’s safety in numbers? Of course one could also argue that yes, yes you would want to be the last donut in the box when a bunch of ravenous, sweaty, lycra-clad cyclists come and devour your neighbors. In which case, for you, the message is: go your own way! Break the mould! I apologize for the hackneyed messages to be found here, but that’s just how breakfast food parables work.
Anyway, since we’re rounding up bike week on this marvelous invention, the internets, which, I am told, is marvelous because it allows human beings to freely and easily share information, thereby making us 15-17% “more smarter”, I’ll share what I’ve learned. Feel free to share back.
-Geese along bike trails, when trapped between a fence and an oncoming cyclist, have no qualms flexing their goose muscle with regards to the cyclist.
-Gnats taste terrible, burn your eyes, and tend to swarm on the sort of sunny afternoon or morning when you’re predisposed to take great gulps of fresh air.
-When putting a banana in your stuffed messenger bag, consider that there, like luggage in an overhead compartment, things have a tendency to shift and bump. Possibly better to just eat the banana against possible potassium shortages.
-There’s a reason it’s called “rehydration” and not “rebeerdration”.
-If you are buying a new innertube for the third time in a month, next time you buy one, buy three… and consider buying some “spin skins”.