Remember Humpty

Fig. 2 -- No way is this hipster going to get his cuff caught in a chain. Note also that he is too cool to wear a helmet.

Figure 1.

In the accordance with the Mercantile’s atmosphere of free and open debate, I’d like to offer a rebuttal to the prior post.  Given that my best friend wouldn’t be alive today had he not been wearing his bike helmet when he was struck from behind by a motorist who wasn’t paying attention, a widespread phenomenon my esteemed colleague concedes, I’m personally pro-helmet.  I agree that this should be a matter of choice–why detract from ridership numbers with draconian rules?  The varieties of the biking experience are various indeed, with an equally varied array of risk factors.  The harsh and brutal truth is that, while bicycle helmets might be “dorky” and at times inconvenient, drooling on oneself is infinitely dorkier and much more inconvenient–the main difference being that a helmet need only be worn temporarily while, for victims of severe head injuries, the unsightly drooling is permanent.  Having fallen off or gone over the handlebars of my bike more times than I can count and been involved in collisions with cars, I can tell you from personal experience that chances are, your noggin is going to connect with something hard.    I forgo a helmet when I’m riding on a designated, carless trail, but in traffic, you better believe I’ve got that puppy on.  Furthermore, I would suggest that the real cycling fashion victims are those who wear cycling clips.  On the scientifically designed Poindexter-Weinstein Dork Scale (PWDS), clips register only slightly lower in dorkiness than “the tuck” (see fig. 1), which is neighbors with that universally agreed upon piece of dork body armor, the pocket protector (although recent updates to the PWDS show this somewhat antiquated piece of equipment is being hedged out by blue tooth cellphone earpieces). Then again, one can’t help but wonder how history will view the hipster “fixie roll” currently enjoying the fleeting blandishments of hipsterdom (fig. 2).  Other options include chain guards, bike shorts, or, that ultimate devil-will care fashion statement, wearing no pants at all.  For the discerning gentleman cyclist, I recommend the first, as the other options tend to be unflattering to the wearer and uncomfortable to onlookers.  -Ed Scripsi

Published in: on May 7, 2010 at 3:28 pm  Comments (1)  

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  1. […] are through with our weekend reading and ready to do battle with the evil helmet forces and their Black Prince Scripsi who is addicted to speed and should probably wear a helmet when he runs the spiral to 12, and […]


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