A New Dawn with New Ailments

stethHealth care is on the mind of Nemo Wolfe during this interregnum. One of the reasons he is trapped in his present job is the terrible risk of being rejected for hiring by a new employer because of a pre-existing medical condition. Actually Nemo is being disingenuous. Nemo is awash in pre-existing medical conditions, and if he were totally frank with himself he would admit that he wouldn’t hire himself on a bet as it would send his Humana premium through the roof. There is for, example, that vascular accident that caused him to begin speaking of himself in the third person. He is also in a blind test for a new placebo for Americans with advanced hypochondriasis. Because of the huge deductible in the ever cheesier Library health policy he has been unable to afford an operation to clear up the carpal tunnel syndrome he acquired twenty four years ago following the purchase of an early Epson computer that came with a fake Pac Man game. And now he has Kindle shoulder.

Like the fake Pac Man condition, Kindle shoulder is a repetitive stress ailment. With time on his hands following the severing of long-term relations with the pre-publication review service that had been sending him piece work for decades, Nemo was at last able to download a book (In The Woods by the incredibly clever Irishwoman Tana French). There were some unpleasant moments in the Wolfe household as he kept accidentally touching the page turning bars that take up 90% of the edges of the infernal machine, and ugly words were said when he applied his Amazon gift certificate to an inappropriate account, but he did sort of get the hang of it, only to find that the Kindle page flicking action – a little thumb tap (Nemo is a fast fast reader, so Mrs. Wolfe, who dislikes extraneous noise of any kind, now has to put up with this faint woodpecker drumming)– manifested itself as a new twinge in the depths of his right deltoid. Since it is unlikely that health care will have been straightened out before the end of the first Obama quadrennium, Nemo is thinking of shifting all his occupational reading to the Kindle and working a fiddle with workers comp.

-Nemo Wolfe

Published in: on November 12, 2008 at 2:29 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Fake Pac Man and Kindle shoulder. I, too, suffer from some pre-existing ailments, such as Whovian Belly (from eating too many jellybabies while watching “Doctor Who”) as well as a minor neck injury I received in the armed forces. Well, I say “armed forces” but, honestly, it was from head banging during my brief stint in the KISS Army.

    Wishing “good health” to all of my Mercantilians.

  2. Brian, I honor your sacrifice. You gave your all so that the folks back home could party ev-er-y day.

    Thank you.

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