Yesterday, I heard a commercial on the radio which urged me to “go fly a kite.” To my considerable annoyance, the commercial wasn’t being rude. It was actually urging me to literally go somewhere for the purpose of actually flying a real kite.
At one point, “go fly a kite” was a mean way to tell someone to go away. Nowadays, it’s almost only used as a bad joke in situations (usually marketing copy) where you are being encouraged to really fly a kite. Since hardly anybody says “go fly a kite” in the rude way anymore, it’s become a joke that has outlived the reason it was (questionably) funny in the first place.
I think our nation’s linguists are letting us down. Shouldn’t they be cracking down on this sort of thing? Isn’t that why we pay linguists the big bucks? They fly around in their private jets, dating supermodels and doing designer drugs in hot tubs in the back of limos, while we have to put up with a constant barrage of language abuse and horrible writing. When are they going to start earning their fat cat paychecks? If they won’t do their jobs as part of the private sector, shouldn’t Linguist General be created as a cabinet level position?
In today’s Brain Teaser, Special Agents from the Department of Linguistics have redacted offending cliches from the following snippets of marketing copy. See if you can guess what’s missing.
1. It’s a REDACTED life… especially at the Crown Royal Suites, where your pooch can stay for free!
2. A REDACTED in time saves REDACTED… at Susie’s Fabric Emporium!
3. At Randy’s Plumbing Supply, we’ve got everything but the REDACTED… including the kitchen sink!
4. They say you’re REDACTED… but you’ll be neither pitied nor censured in your new Talledega Spa from Whatley’s!
– Norm De Plume
You can find more Friday Brain Teasers HERE.